What Happened to My Kid!?
Sending a son or daughter off to college is one of the most difficult challenges parent and child will ever face. Entering college marks a period of rapid intellectual and emotional growth and is often a stressful experience. Your student has been uprooted from the old neighborhood, friends, and ways of doing things, and is now taking first steps to becoming an educated adult.
This growth is part of your students educational objective, but it has its ups and downs. As a parent you will feel both pride and bewilderment, as will your student. With only a month or two of college under their belt, your student will have met people from across the world, different cultures from the one in which s/he grew up. S/he will be exposed to academic demands never thought possible. They will make new friends, encounter people who think differently from themselves, and begin making more decisions on their own. Most choices will be positive; other choices can be worrisome and scary. Its all a part of transitioning from childhood to responsible, educated adult.
Parents should not be surprised that the student they sent to college comes home a different person at Thanksgiving. This is normal. Some students at this stage will be distant, cocky, independent, overconfident, and show more interest in reconnecting with old friends than in spending time with you. They may even view you as "out-of-touch." Not to fear, the core values you taught them over the years are still there. Your child is now building upon those values as they find their way to new beginnings. Though your student may not act like it, you as a parent remain important in their lives.
You will always be "mom" and "dad." Your child will still seek your advice, but in a different way. They will no longer take you at every word, but try to use what you say, then think for themselves. This is part of their quest to becoming responsible, educated adults. Do support your child emotionally. Show interest and support. Even though you may feel snubbed, your support is still registering. You and your child are entering into a new relationship that is going from dependency to adult-to-adult. Your value as a parent will never cease. As your child matures, s/he will become more appreciative of your wisdom and knowledge, but now is neither the time nor place. That usually happens later. For example, one recent graduate had the following comment for his father: "Dad, you must have been going to a lot of night school and done a lot of studying the past six years. You sure learned a lot."
University Health and Counseling Services
