Mental Health
Mental HealthManaging Traumatic Stress: Tips for Recovering From Disasters and Other Traumatic Events
Overcoming Hardship: How to be More Resilient
Getting Along with Difficult People
When It Is More Than The Blues
Grief: A Guide for Students Experiencing Grief
Functioning with Panic Attacks
Obsessive -Compulsive Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
When Life Gets Rough, Treat Yourself with Compassion
A Guide for First-Generation Students
Links:
Suicide Prevention Resource Center (Prevention, warning signs and how to take care of yourself and your friends)
ULifeline
(Ulifeline is an online behavioral support system for young
adults. Visitors to this site can get fast, frank answers to hundreds of questions
about behavior and emotional health, find links to support groups and crisis
centers, search behavioral health topics and a drug database, or take an online
assessment to gauge their state of emotional well-being.)
Campus Blues
(A site just for college students as they move through their
personal transitions. Information on loneliness, study skills, time management,
depression, anxiety, abuse, roomates, friends, family etc.)
Half
of Us (MTV-U
web site for college students with personal stories, videos, music and resources
regarding depression, anxiety, alcohol and other drugs, eating disorders and
cutting)
Online College Mental Health Fair (Revolution Health is joining with its nonprofit partners to help you to feel well and do "good" at the same time. By participating in the Health Fair you will get the latest in mental health information and support. For each booth that you visit Revolution Health will donate $.25 to the organization.)
Self Help Information (Self Help Topics on this page include: New Students and Transitions, Personal Success, Relationships, Sexuality, Alcohol Use, Smoking, and Marijuana, Pregnancy, Computer/Gambling Concerns, Students with Disabilities, Depression, Anxiety, and Suicide,Sexual Abuse, Eating Disorders and Weight Control, Sleeping Disorders, Holidays,Traumatic Events, Self-Injurious Behavior. Also links to other topics)
Counseling Center Village (A terrific virtual pamphlet collection on a wide range of counseling topics for college students)
Building
Resiliency (The site describes
resilience and some factors that affect how people deal with hardship. It focuses
on developing and using a personal strategy for enhancing resilience.)
Women
and Depression (A booklet that describes the symptoms,
treatment and factors contributing to depression that are unique to women.)
Men and Depression (A detailed booklet that describes what you need to know about depression in men: how it looks, how it feels, getting help, and getting better.)
Dating Violence (What is it? How often does it occur? How can you tell if your relationship is abusive? How can I set limits? Where can I get help?)
Chiming In (A podcast from Mental Health America. Chiming In delivers regular features on mental health issues, including information for improving personal wellness, reports on research and policy trends and profiles of communities and everyday Americans living with mental health problems.)
Assertiveness (Assess yourself and learn how to become more assertive)
Treatment for Trauma (This fact sheet describes elements common to many treatment modalities for PTSD, including education, exposure, exploration of feelings and beliefs, and coping-skills training. Additionally, the most common treatment modalities are discussed, including cognitive-behavioral therapy, pharmacotherapy, EMDR, group treatment, and psychodynamic treatment.)
Media Created Image of Beauty (Film clip from Dove Campaign for Real Beauty showing how print images are artificially created to foster an unrealistic image of beauty)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Hopeline is 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
A suicidal person
urgently needs to see a health or mental health service provider. Here
are some warning signs you should know about.
WARNING SIGNS OF SUICIDE
• Talk about suicide
• Statements about hopelessness, helplessness or worthlessness.
• Preoccupation with death.
• Suddenly happier, calmer.
• Loss of interest in things one cares about.
• Unusual visiting or calling people one cares about.
• Making arrangements; setting one’s affairs in order.
• Giving things away.
December
Survival Guide
By Marilyn J. Kile, Wellness Coordinator
It's that time of year again; too much to do and not enough time to do it all! Final papers, final projects, final exams, cookies, cake, candy, latkes, eggnog, party punch, sitting around, family tension, overspending, unrealistic expectations, disappointment...
Here are some tips to help make December a healthy and joyful time.
Surviving
the Winter Blahs
By John F. Macek, Executive Director
This is a time of the year when most people brace themselves for a long hard
winter. It needn't be that way.
Attitude makes a world of difference in how we feel. If we see ourselves as entering a relentless period of cold that continues through February, we're going to feel badly. Why miss an important fact about our planet that our earliest ancestors celebrated? The sun. They knew that December 21 is the shortest day of the year, and it only gets better after that. They celebrated this day as the day the sun begins its return.
Paradoxically, by January 21, our day length is already back to what it was on or about November 21, just as our hemisphere enters its coldest period of the year. Tonight the sun will set about ½ hour later than it did when you left campus to go home for semester break. (Equally paradoxical, our warmest month of the year, August, has about two hours less sunlight than June 21, our longest day of the year.)
Rather than curse the cold, celebrate the reemergence of the sun. Starting today, find a reference point for viewing the sun at the same time each day. With every passing day, it will be slightly higher and brighter, and our daylight about two minutes longer. While that may not seem like much, it adds up to an hour a month.
If you focus on the sun and its course in the sky, you'll find
winter much easier to take. Get outside, especially during the brightest time
of day 10 AM- 2 PM. Enjoy snow and ice sports. After all, it won't be long before
spring and summer return.
HONESTY, TRUST, RESPECT, COMMUNICATION AND TIME are the five ingredients necessary to defining and building intimacy. Each of these essential pieces has its own relevance and importance but together they form a solid foundation for building a relationship.
Honesty
Whether we are talking about being honest with someone we are dating, or with
ourselves, it is sometimes very difficult. We tend to always want to put
ourselves in the best light.
Sometimes we aren’t honest because we don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings or cause conflict. Gentle honesty, as compared to brutal honesty, is an important life skill to learn. Avoiding the truth of a feeling or situation can often result in pain and bad feelings down the road. It has always been true that a good friend is the one who will tell you that you zipper is down, or you have something in your teeth. The same is true about other things that may hurt, but need to be said.
People who are deceitful, manipulative, and dishonest are often incapable of creating intimacy. You can’t create an intimate relationship with someone who is only an illusion. We can only become intimate with another person’s authentic self and others can only become intimate with our authentic selves.
Trust
Consistency, dependability, and stability are the building blocks
of a trusting relationship. Promises broken, appointments missed, birthdays
and anniversaries forgotten all tell someone about the relevance and value people
place on the relationship. Trusting someone is a belief that you can count
on them, that they will do what they said they would do. Trust cannot be compromised
by work, alcohol, or a busy schedule.
Betrayal of one’s confidences is a sure fire way to put distance in a relationship. Trust means you know they other person will not purposefully hurt you in any way. You can assume they will safeguard your welfare to the best of their ability.
When we mention the phrase "I was just making sure of you," it may take awhile to understand the depth of this statement. But if we look closer, we can uncover a deep truth. We go through our lives in a constant state of chaos and change. When we make sure of something, we ask for a commitment, we recheck our landmarks, we hold on to what is stable. Trust is the barometer by which we measure the level of confidence we have in our relationships.
Respect
Culturally, respect can be measured in many ways. Someone
who is thoughtful, who has manners, who is polite is exhibiting signs of respect.
We have done much work lately as a society empowering people to demand respect
for themselves, to understand that their own self-esteem is built on how they
are treated by others. However, so much energy has been focused "what
I deserve" that we have forgotten about "what others deserve."
In order to be truly intimate we must value the other person as much, not more
or less, than we value ourselves.
A balance of the basics are needed. A healthy understanding of the values that make others important and understanding of what we all deserve as people are key. We should all live free of fear, free of aggression and violence, free from intimidation and free of oppression. These freedoms are by no means easy for us to achieve, but in our daily lives, the way we treat and respond to others does affect our sense of self worth.
Respect reflects the value, validation, and worth of another person. It is an essential ingredient to developing intimate relationships.
Communication
Communication is critical to the three ingredients already discussed.
It is how we show our honesty, trust, and respect in a relationship. Listening
to others and following through with reasonable needs and requests is a simple
step in relating and communicating. The willingness, compromise, and sacrifice
needed to listen however, can take years to develop.
In many books dedicated to relationships and couples, a simple technique is taught. A couple will sit face to face in two chairs. One person will make a statement. The other person will repeat that statement back with no edits, arguments, additions or deletions. This exercise focuses all the energy on listening to what is being said. This simple exercise helps break through obstacles-- like feeling threatened, defensive, aggressive, or passive--that can keep us from really hearing what our friends and partners are asking of us. The ability to ask and receive clear communicated messages can only make us feel closer and help us relate. The effort put into our communication relays a message: you are important enough to be listened to and you have a voice in this relationship.
Time
One way we communicate our value for others is by the time we
spend with them in activities. Nothing is more important in the creation
and survival of healthy relationships than the time needed to develop honesty,
trust, respect, and good communication.
Our schedules and our lives have gotten so chaotic and "time specific" that we are actually "out of time" most of the time. Time is rarely seen as an ingredient to a healthy relationship, buy without it we can not develop the other parts of our lives that make us whole, caring, and intimate people.
If you took a piece of paper and made a schedule of the amount of time you spend actively working on developing your relationships, you would be astounded to perhaps find that the most lasting part of our lives, our relationships, gets less time a month than brushing our teeth!
Spending time, making time, quality time, whatever you want to call it, the value of sharing space with people you care about can never be underestimated.
Overcoming Hardship: How to Be More Resilient
Bad things happen to good people.
How well we recover from these setbacks depends on many factors. Here are a few you can consider to enhance resilience:
Authenticity: People who are the same on the inside as they are on the outside cope with hard times better than those who put up a front. Know your true self and express real feelings to family, friends, coworkers.
Responsibility: Willingness to be accountable for what you can control - that is, owning the problem - is the first step toward taking positive action to manage it. Try to take control, even in small ways, to build coping skills.
Flexibility: Those who bounce back can accept that change is inevitable and don't fight it. They're not afraid of it, but more often see it as opportunity. Embrace change as part of the normal pattern of live and adapt to it in a way that makes things better, not more difficult.
Responsiveness: Open-minded, aware individuals who study their environment and react positively to new ideas have more resilience than those who sit back and let the world happen to them. Adopt a life-long learning attitude as a way to more easily adjust to life's curve balls.
Faith: Not necessarily religious faith, but a belief in yourself, others, and the potential for good are traits in people who recover more easily. Whatever your convictions, foster commitment to them.
Risk Tolerance: Resilient individuals aren't afraid to take steps in a new direction. Seek support from friends and family to strike out on a new path.
Purpose: A belief in something beyond yourself - religion, nature, humanity - is another common characteristic. Allow time for thoughtful reflection and discussion of ideas around life purpose.
For more ideas read "The Art of Resilience: 100 Paths to Wisdom and Strength in an Uncertain World" by Carol Orsborn
WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?
Expressing your feelings, thoughts, and needs without threatening
others.
WHAT IS NON-ASSERTIVENESS?
Putting others first at your expense.
WHAT IS AGGRESSION?
Putting yourself first at the expense of others.
WHAT IS PASSIVE-AGGRESSION?
Pretending to put others first with dishonest communication
and not respecting yourself enough to be honest about how you feel.
DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE?
START WITH NEW COMMUNICATION SKILLS
WHAT YOU SAY
Ask politely and firmly for what you want.
If a request is unreasonable, say so. Focus on the area of conflict and suggest a solution that would meet both of your needs, if possible.
Get to the point. Don't hedge or drop hints. Learn when to stop talking.
HOW YOU SAY IT.
WHERE AND WHEN TO SAY IT.
FOUR POINTS THAT CAN HELP YOU BECOME MORE ASSERTIVE:
1. Use confident body language.
2. Be a good listener.
3. Respect others.
4. Respect yourself.
REMEMBER, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO-
Getting Along with Difficult
People
By John F. Macek, LCSW
What makes people “difficult?” Most of us consider others difficult when they do not respond to our reasonable efforts.
There are two kinds of difficult people, those who respond negatively only to certain persons or situations (selective responder) and those who respond negatively to virtually everyone and everything (universal responder). The differences in dynamics between the two are considerable.
A selective responder is someone who has certain likes or dislikes. These people respond in terms of their likes and dislikes when dealing with people or events. In this case, it’s worth exploring what triggers the negative response. Oftentimes we discover there was a problem of miscommunication around sensitive areas. Some people, for example, just don’t like being told. If an idea is to be had, it better be theirs. Knowing that, we might approach that person with leading questions, enabling them to come up with the idea.
We all have areas of sensitivity around which we can be “difficult",
so it’s worth while to examine our own behavior as well as that of others.
When we understand our sensitivities and own them as our problem, we have basis
for relating more effectively with others. Remember this: your personal likes
and dislikes do not oblige others to agree or conform with you. Getting along
always involves give and take.
The more difficult person is what I call a universal responder, i.e., someone
who carries a chip on their shoulder. Usually, this attitude is rooted in having
been deeply hurt or humiliated, so the person keeps up a firm guard against
that happening again. Within that kind of mind set, every person is a potential
assailant. The fight-or-flight response goes into automatic, helping the person
create emotional distance. The person will argue, act “touchy,”
or draw into a shell. Sometimes people like this can override their defenses
long enough for friendship to occur. Sometimes they need the help of a psychotherapist.
Getting along with difficult people requires a strong sense of self, one in which we can comfortable say: “I’m OK as I am. My worth stands on its own. It does not depend upon validation from others.” When we approach others from this mind set, we become more able to look to the other person’s welfare instead of just our own.
Listening is key. Listen. Listen some more. Seek to understand. Then try to respond in terms that work for both you and the other person. If you argue with, accuse, or belittle the other person in any way, you’re going the wrong direction. Ask yourself this question: “What is this person telling me about how they want to be treated?” If you can ask yourself that question, hear what the other is saying, then respond, you’re on your way to creating a friendship.
When It Is More Than The Blues
by Marilyn J. Kile, LCSW
Wellness Coordinator
Most college students say they feel “down “ or “blue “ every once in awhile, but people suffering from clinical depression have a body and mind illness that affects the way they eat, sleep and feel about themselves and the world. Most people grieve over experiences of loss and disappointment and gradually the grief becomes less. Those with clinical depression feel badly for weeks, months and sometimes years. They may not even know why they feel so sad and tired. They can not simply “get over it”.
One out of every five adults may experience a depression at some point in their lives. Twice as many women as men suffer from depression, however men are more likely to die from suicide. The highest rates of depression are in 24-44 years olds. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among people 15-25 years old. One of the best strategies for the prevention of suicide is the early recognition and treatment of depression.
The most common symptoms of depression are:
The good news is that depression is highly treatable.
Between 80 and 90% of all depressed people respond to treatment. Counseling
can help people identify and cope with the factors that contribute to their
depression in an atmosphere of acceptance and support. There are many helpful
techniques including challenging negative though patterns, developing a positive
self image, changing behaviors or life situations that are contributing to the
problem, and developing an optimistic and accepting attitude. Treatment may
also include medication, exercise, nutritional changes and changes in the use
of alcohol, other drugs or even certain prescription medications.
GRIEF
A Guide for Students Experiencing Grief
By John Macek, LCSW
All of us at some point in our lives will experience the death of a close friend, family member, or someone who is important to us. For young people, it’s always a big shock. Regardless our age, death always comes unexpectedly, and it hits hard. It’s something we prefer not think about. Even when we know death is approaching for a person we love, e.g. an aging/sickly grandparent, we’re still not “ready.” We can find ourselves experiencing a range and intensity of emotions we never thought possible. That it is why it is important that we understand grief. The better we understand it, the better we can overcome it.
What is grief?
Grief is a NORMAL, NATURAL reaction to losing anything we care deeply about.
The more our loss was meaningful, fulfilling, or a happy part of our life, the
more intense our pain. Grief is the natural process through which our minds
and emotions come to grips with loss.
How long does it last?
The most-intense grief tends to occur during the first three to six months following
a loss, but there are no fixed patterns or time tables. We each experience grief
differently. Over time our sense of loss reduces as we replace our losses with
other meaningful relationships. Most people find it takes a year or so to “get
back to normal.”
How can I make it go away?
You can’t. Human memory is not like the magnetic memory we find on computer
hard drives. It’s biological. What’s unique and wonderful about
our brains is our ability to assemble and compare thoughts or memories, to imagine,
and to invent. We are constantly processing and reprocessing information that
allows our thoughts and feelings to gain perspective from new experiences. Yet
this same ability to associate thoughts, imagine, and invent allows a song,
a picture, a view, a place, or memorable phrase to connect with a hurtful memory
and bring tears to our eyes. Not to worry when that happens. It’s normal
and part of how our minds and emotions operate.
Is there anything “good” that can come from all this?
At this moment, you may think “absolutely not!” because that’s
exactly how you feel. But, strange as it may seem, feeling loss is the first
step to recovery. It is only when we acknowledge our losses that we can grow
and learn from them. Though we may feel completely otherwise, NOT ALL is lost.
This is a good time to remember the good times, how your loved one enriched
your life, and gave you positive lessons for living. Look for ways you can honor
your loved one by sharing those lessons with others. You can turn any loss into
a valuable lesson for becoming a better, happier person.
How do I get over this terrible pain?
If it is a loved one you grieve, remember this: your loved one will always live
in your memory. You received something from him/her that is precious and important.
As much as any of us would wish we can continue that loving relationship in
person, that’s no longer possible. Death, natural disasters have been
part of nature since nature began. All major religions address or explain such
losses in ways that give them meaning or make them easier to bear. If you were
brought up in a faith tradition, this is a good time to revisit it. Regardless
of your faith tradition, two facts remain: 1) you will always cherish in your
memory what you had lost and 2) what you grieve will always remain part of you
and can give you valuable lessons for moving forward. You can honor, cherish,
and maintain connection with a loved one by living the lessons s/he has taught
you. Perhaps you had plans and dreams of spending the rest of your life with
your loved one. Even then, know that the best thing you can do for your loved
one now is to share their precious gifts with others. Consider what advice your
loved one might give you if s/he could whisper in your ear. Would s/he tell
you to feel sad forever, miss class, not study, avoid relationships, or jeopardize
your future? In considering this question, most students conclude that their
loved one would want them to live on. Try sharing with other loved ones the
lessons and affections you experienced with the loved one you lost. People who
genuinely love us want, above all else, that we be happy and whole. Allowing
yourself to feel joy with others is both respectful of and honors your loved
one.
Good grief/bad grief
Mental health professionals have a view of grief that appears strange to many.
We know that people who allow themselves to feel pain have the best prospects
for recovery. It’s those who steel themselves or believe they must be
“brave” and “strong” who concern us. Why? “You
can’t fool Mother Nature.” From the way Mother Nature made us, we
can only overcome our losses if we allow ourselves to come to grip with them.
Feeling grief is how we come to grip with a loss. It allows us to move on with
our lives. If we avoid grief, we may create emotional blocks to future loving
relationships.
I have never experienced such terrible emotions. What’s wrong with
me!
Sometimes the emotions we experience are so negative or contradict our beliefs
so deeply that we feel guilty for experiencing them. Take for example a mental-health
trained minister who lost a sister to brain cancer. He shared with colleagues
his surprise and embarrassment: “I felt absolute rage towards God for
letting this happen. I couldn’t believe myself!” Intense feeling?
Yes. Surprising feeling? Yes. Normal feeling? YES. Like this minister, you might
feel embarrassed or alarmed at feelings you never thought possible. You may
feel as though an unknown and “evil” side of you has come out. Don’t
worry. Having emotions that defy our sense of decency is “normal”
because, with grief, all emotions are fair game. Don’t try to censor them.
Roll with the punches. Allow yourself to be surprised at these “alien”
emotions, but don’t worry or blame yourself for experiencing them. Your
psyche has just undergone a huge blow and is reacting from instincts we modern
humans inherited from our earliest ancestors. Our minds and bodies are trying
desperately to get back to normal. Eventually you will, but for now, you need
to allow nature to take its course.
What do I do about my friends? I don’t want to be a party pooper.
Some run away when I talk about my loss, or they may refuse to talk about it.
Friends are friends because they accept us as we are. Think about it: if your
best friend had a loss, what would you want for him or her? Most of us would
say we want to relieve their pain. Unfortunately, some well-meaning friends
and family hope to spare us pain by avoiding the subject. That’s not what
you need right now. Feel free to cry together with friends and family. You’ll
be helping both yourself and them deal with the loss. People in grief need to
talk about their loss. They need to cry at some moments and laugh over fond
memories at others. Neither you, nor your friends, should be surprised by such
swings of mood. It’s going to happen because it’s nature’s
way. Do let your friends and family know how you feel, but don’t feel
rejected if they still avoid the subject. That means, at least for now, that
they aren’t prepared to deal with such intense emotions. Later, they may
find themselves more comfortable visiting with you about your loss.
Remember: you are experiencing a very normal and natural process that leads to recovery. Go with the flow. Feel assured. Take good care of yourself.
When Life Gets Rough, Treat Yourself with Compassion
Facing a very difficult situation or time in your life? Treat yourself with
compassion.
New research shows that when you treat yourself kindly in the face of failure,
rejection, defeat, or other negative event, you may be able to cope and feel
better.
Although Western society has emphasized the importance of high self-esteem,
having self-compassion may be more important in dealing with negative life events
according to researcher and Wake Forest University psychologist Mark Leary,
PhD.
“Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness you
would show a friend whether you feel good about yourself or not,” said
Leary. “Self-esteem is simply feeling good about yourself.”
In his research, Leary found that those with higher self-compassion were more
likely to think “Everybody goofs up now and then” and less likely
to think “I am such a loser” or “I wish I could die”
in response to a distressing situation.
Source: News release Aug. 22, 2005, Wake Forest University
Making the Leap, A Guide for First-Generation Students
By John Macek, LCSW
What's a first-generation student?
First generation students are the first, or one of very few, in their family
to complete a college degree.
Why is that important?
Students who are first in their family to attend college do not have someone
ahead of them whose path they can follow or family members with whom they can
discuss their college experience. That puts them in a unique “trail blazer”
position..
I'm one of those trail blazers. What do I need to know?
First , you need to know you have a very good reason to feel proud of yourself
for taking this important step. Your decision shows an inner strength that will
serve you well in life.
What can I expect as the first in my family to attend college?
Everyone fears failure. For that reason, many people don’t even try. They use very silly logic that goes something like this: “If I don’t try, I won’t fail because I got what I expected. If I try, and don’t succeed, then I’ve failed.” WRONG! Failure comes from not trying, NOT from trying. Expect to make mistakes. So long as you use your mistakes as an opportunity to learn and do better, you’re on the road to success. We are failures ONLY when we choose not to try.
Welcome to college. Work hard. Have fun. Enjoy meeting interesting people. You will look back at your college years as some of the best of your life. Some people you meet will become lifelong friends. When you graduate, you will have a better shot at landing a job you like, one that pays you well and offers good benefits. Consider college an investment in your future. It is definitely that: a launch pad from which you can take better control of your future.
“Good luck” comes from working hard and using our smarts and talents
to make things turn out well for ourselves. “Bad luck” comes from
not trying.
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For health care questions, do not email, please call 262-472-1300 menu option 4
Updated: 07/21/2008
University Health & Counseling Services
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