Sexual Health
Sexual HealthVideos: Safe in the City series
Articles:
Take Our Quiz - What Do You Know?
How comfortable are you talking about sex?
Herpes: How to Tell Your Partner
HPV Vaccine Questions and Answers
Links:
Kinsey Institute Sexuality
Info (podcasts, weekly Q&A column, and sexual health
info.)
STD symptom wizard (This online tool is based on the CDC STD treatment guidelines. No personal information is collected and the “quiz” can be taken online in complete privacy. The Wizard guides users through interactive questions and takes only 5 minutes to complete. At the end, each user receives STD screening advice tailored to their specific risk profile.)
Oral Sex: Is it safe? (Answers to your questions. Is it sex? Is it competely safe? How to make it safer? Who does it?)
Smarter Sex (Use any of the seven tabs including KISS Keep It Safer and Smarter, Body Talk, the Couple connection, the X and Y of STI’s, Sexuality, Sexual Assault and HPV and it’s Consequences to find articles, statistics, interactive exercises and links to more information.)
Take Care Down There (Video clips about sexual health)
HPV Vaccine Questions and Answers (Who should get the HPV vaccine? Efficacy, safety, cost and coverage of the HPV vaccine. What vaccinated girls/women need to know? The Basics about Genital HPV & Cervical Cancer. Other ways to prevent HPV and Cervical Cancer)
Facts about Sexually Transmitted Infections (Information about 14 different STI's)
Living with Herpes (This site gives information on what Genital Herpes is, the symptoms, getting diagnosed, treament options talking to your partner, coping and acceptance and protecting your partner.)
Genital Herpes (Signs and symptoms, Causes, Screening and diagnosis, Complications, Treatment, Prevention, Self-care)
It's Your Sex Life (MTV group. A guide to safe and responsible sex with topics including abstinence, pregnancy and contraception, HIV/STDs, how to talke to your partner, resources and a blog.)
Sexual Exposure Chart (Based on the number of sexual partners you have had, calculate how many people you have probably been exposed to)
HIV testing (Information on HIV testing and testing sites in Wisconsin)
U.S. HIV/AIDS Statistics (U.S. HIV/AIDS Statistics through 2005. This website includes reports of HIV infection and AIDS cases, AIDS incidence, AIDS incidence trends, persons living with AIDS trends, and deaths of persons with AIDS trends.)
HIV/AIDS Among U.S. Women (This article explains the impact of HIV/AIDS among US women. Heterosexual contact now is the greatest risk for women and sex with drug users plays a large role. There is also a list of prevention challenges for women. )
HIV/AIDS Among African Americans (Among diseases that disproportionately affect African Americans, HIV/AIDS has had a particularly devastating effect. At every stage?from HIV diagnosis through the death of persons with AIDS?the hardest-hit racial or ethnic group is African Americans. Overall, even though African Americans make up only approximately 13% of the US population, one half of the estimated new numbers of HIV/AIDS diagnoses in the United States in 2004 were for African Americans .)
HIV/AIDS Among Latinos (The HIV/AIDS epidemic is a serious threat to the Hispanic community. In addition to being a population seriously affected by HIV, Hispanics continue to face challenges in accessing health care, prevention services, and treatment. In 2002, HIV/AIDS was the third leading cause of death among Hispanic men aged 35 to 44 and the fourth leading cause of death among Hispanic women in the same age group )
HIV/AIDS Among Young Adults (This article examines HIV/AIDS among young adults. In 1999, HIV was the fifth leading cause of death for Americans between the ages of 25 and 44. School-based programs are critical for reaching youth before behaviors are established while efforts to reach out-of-school-youth are made by community-based programs. We must address sexual and drug-related risk. Prevention efforts for young gay and bisexual men must be sustained and STD treatment must play a role in prevention programs. Evaluation of factors influencing risk behavior must be ongoing.)
STD Statistics (Trends in Reportable Sexually Transmitted Diseases in the United States, 2005 - National Surveillance Data for Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis .)
Exhale (Exhale provides services, training and education to empower individuals, families and communities to achieve post-abortion health and well-being. They offer a national "talkline" M-F 5 pm-10 pm Pacific and 12 noon-10 pm Sat-Sun (1-866-4 EXHALE / 1-866-439-4253) with counselors who speak other languages (Spanish on Wed night and upon request; Vietnamese, Cantonese and Tagalog counseling upon request).
Jasmine and Paul
Theresa and Luis
Christina and Rueben
How comfortable are you talking
about sex?
By Marilyn Kile, LCSW
Give yourself this little quiz to see if you are ready to be sexually active.
1. Can you say penis, vagina, clitoris etc. out loud without laughing or do
you have to use cute little pet names like you did when you were 10?
2. Can you look a potential sex partner in the eye and tell him/her that you do or do not want to engage in a specific kind of sexual behavior?
3. Can you describe the sexual behaviors you do want to engage in?
4. If your partner is being vague or silent, can you ask him/her "Are you sure you want to do this?" and wait for a YES before you proceed.
5. If your partner is trying to pressure you into behavior you don't want to do, can you say NO and refuse to continue arguing about it?
6. Are you willing to honestly disclose your entire sexual history?
7. Are you willing to ask or even demand disclosure of your potential partner's sexual history?
8. Can you openly discuss birth control, who will obtain it and pay for it?
9. Can you talk about the best way to avoid spreading STD's with the particular sex act you want to do?
10. Are you and your potential partner sober and straight enough to know what you are talking about?
If you didn't answer yes to all 10, you may not be ready.
Your comfort talking about sex with this particular person, at this particular time, can give you an idea how right it would be for you. It tells you whether or not you feel close enough to this person to do something so intimate and potentially risky. If you would be embarrassed talking about it, don't you think you might feel embarrassed that you did it? If you are afraid of how your partner will react, then how can you know you are entering into this freely? If you don't respect yourself and your partner enough to use protection, do you really want to share the most intimate parts of your body with him/her? If you can't be honest, what are the chances this person is being honest with you? If you can't trust this person to not repeat what you talk about, do you really want to have sex with him or her?
Ask yourself how you will feel about yourself afterwards and you will have a good idea whether or not your behavior is going against your moral values. Honesty, trust, respect, communication and attention are the building blocks of an intimate relationship. For a sexual relationship to be physically and emotionally safe you need these same ingredients.
2. What three STI’s can cause infertility?
3. What is the only 100% sure way to prevent STI's?
4. Which three STI's are incurable? Can you name four STI's that are curable?
5. Is it OK to use oil based lotions and creams with condoms?
6. Which three STI's have the highest risk of being transmitted by oral sex?
7. Which STI causes no initial symptons in 75% of women and 50% of men?
8. What can be used to decrease the risk of getting a STI during oral sex?
10. What is the most prevalent STI?
11. Where can you get anonymous HIV testing?
12. What is the second best way to avoid STI's?
13. What is the number one reason condoms may fail?
14. What percentage of college students mostly or always use condoms when having vaginal sex?
15. Almost half of STI's occur in what age group?
ANSWERS
1. Yes. Having 1-4 partners increases the risk 2.5 times, 5-10 partners increases the risk 7 times, 11-20 partners increases the risk 10 times.
2. Approximately 60,000 cases of infertility occur each year from chlamydia. Gonorrhea and syphilis also can cause infertility.
3. Abstinence from vaginal, oral or anal intercourse.
4. Herpes, HIV and Hepatitis B stay in your body for the rest of your life. There is treatment for their symptoms. Genital lice (crabs), chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis when diagnosed early are completely curable. That is why diagnosis is so important. Come to UHCS for any genital pain, itching, sores or discharge or if your sexual partner is diagnosed with a STI.
5. NO. The oil or petroleum will erode the latex and cause the condom to break.
6.Herpes, Gonorrhea and Syphillis.
8. A condom for oral sex on a man and a dental dam or latex square for oral sex on a woman.
9. Human Papilomus Virus (HPV)which can cause genital warts or lead to cervical cancer.
11. The University Health and Counseling Services. Call 472-1300 for more information.
12. Only have sex in a monogamous relationship and use latex condoms when having oral, vaginal or anal intercourse.
13. People don't use them correctly. Common errors people make when using condoms are having genital contact before the condom is put on; tearing with teeth or fingernails when opening the package; using condoms past their expiration date or those that have been stored in a hot place; not pinching the tip to leave room for the ejaculate; not using enough water based lubrication to reduce friction; using oil based lubrication; not pulling out before the penis becomes soft and spills the contents of the condom.
Thinking About Sex
By Marilyn Kile, LCSW
Each and every time you get in a potentially sexual situation you are going to have to decide what is best for you. Since you are going to be making this choice over and over again for the rest of your life, you might as well get good at it.
There are a series of questions you need to ask yourself to figure out what’s right for you.
If you decide you are ready to be sexual based on the above questions, then
you need to decide if you are ready to risk getting a sexually transmitted infection
(STI) or unplanned pregnancy.
What behaviors are you going to engage in? If it involves oral, anal or vaginal
intercourse or genital skin to skin contact you could catch an STI. You usually
can’t tell if your partner is infected by looking and many people who
are infected don’t know it. How sure are you that this person hasn’t
had sex with someone else since the last time you were together? Unless you
are sure the other person is uninfected through STI testing, use a latex or
polypropylene barrier. i.e. condom or latex square (for oral - genital or anal
contact).
If you decide to have vaginal intercourse you could create a pregnancy any time during a woman’s cycle. If you aren’t ready for a baby, choose a reliable form of contraception and use it correctly every time. There are so many methods available, there is one that’s right for you.
Low cost STI testing and treatment, anonymous HIV testing, contraception, emergency contraception, condoms and latex squares are available at the University Health and Counseling Services in the Ambrose Health Center. If you would like to talk to a counselor about your sexual choices, services are available at no cost to students.
Herpes: How to Tell Your Partner
This information will explore ways of feeling more confident in discussing genital
herpes with a partner.
Why it is difficult to discuss
It is natural to worry that a person may base their judgment of you on the fact
you have genital herpes. Facial herpes (including cold sores on the lips) and
genital herpes are medically similar conditions at different sites. The significant
difference arises from the stigma that tends to accompany an infection that
is sexually transmitted. People fear the possibility of that rejection but in
reality it rarely happens. Personal rejection, with or without herpes, is something
we all face. While some people may experience a negative response, most have
found their partners both supportive and understanding.
People can, and do, successfully tell potential partners about their herpes.
While there is no fail-safe way of doing this, here are some approaches that
can make it easier.
Some people choose not to disclose. They abstain during outbreaks, practice
safe sex at other times, and hope for the best. This strategy has more disadvantages
than advantages. First, you spend a lot of time and energy worrying that your
partner might get herpes, but it's much harder to tell someone who has just
found out they're infected. Second, the longer you put it off, the more awkward
it is to tell your partner, or your partner might find out from someone else.
Third, when you have outbreak you have to make excuses for not having sex. Excuses
create distance between partners. Your excuses might be more damaging to the
relationship than an honest discussion of genital herpes. Finally, the more
you grow to care about someone, the more you may want to tell them. It may be
more difficult the longer you wait and potentially cause a break in the relationship.
For most people, the anxiety of not telling is worse than the telling itself.
By telling your partner and allowing them to enter into the relationship with
full knowledge of your infection, your relationship is built on honesty and
you can problem solve together. You reduce the likelihood of their becoming
infected. Why? Because, when you have an outbreak, you can discuss it with a
partner instead of making excuses (that might or might not be believed). If
the two of you can discuss the situation openly and honestly, you can work around
it. Imaginative lovers find ways to weather these temporary restrictions.
The importance of self-esteem
First, remind yourself that herpes doesn't change all the good things about
you. To some extent, getting infected or not is a matter of chance. The virus
didn't choose you and you didn't choose it. It has nothing to do with intelligence,
social habits, or bank account. You are a loving, sexual, whole individual.
No one else on the planet has the things that you have to offer. Aside from
all this, be aware that genital herpes is extremely common. About one in five
people are infected with this virus, whether they know it or not.
Accepting the fact that you have herpes will make it easier to let others into
your life. Sit down with a pen and paper and say to yourself, "I have herpes."
Then write down any thought that pops into your head. No matter what it is,
write it down. Do this again and again until you have identified the stereotypical/negative
feelings that you have about herpes. Now look at your list. How many of these
negative feelings or beliefs are truly valid? In many cases, these negative
associations are baseless, yet they can strongly influence our emotions.
Next, take your list and replace each negative belief with a positive one. For
example, if one of your beliefs is: "No one would want to go out with me
because I have herpes," replace it with: "I am a wonderful, intelligent
person. Anyone would be lucky to be my companion or lover."
Each of us has the power to change what we believe about ourselves. Whenever
you find yourself thinking one of the negative beliefs, interrupt that thought
and firmly repeat to yourself your positive replacement. It’s almost sure
to seem artificial at first, but remember, the more often you repeat your positive
statements, the more they become part of your thinking.
Preparing to tell your partner: Get the facts
Most people know little or nothing about herpes. Here are some facts about herpes
you should consider sharing with your partner.
1. Herpes simplex virus (HSV) most often shows up as small blisters or sores
on our face or mouth (cold sores or fever blisters- Herpes Simplex type 1) or
on our genitals (Herpes Simplex type 2).
2. Genital herpes is one of the most common sexually transmitted diseases in
the US with as many as one million people becoming infected each year.
3. More than 1 in 5 Americans over the age of 12 (~45 million) are infected
with genital herpes.
4. HSV can be passed on when making direct skin-to-skin contact with the live
virus.
5. Virus is present and active from the first sign (tingling or itching in the
area where the outbreak usually occurs) until the sores have completely healed
and new skin grows in.
6. There are times when an active herpes virus is on our skin, even though there
are no obvious signs or symptoms, and, during these times, can be passed to
another person.
7. There are medications that can decrease the risk of infecting another person
when no obvious signs or symptoms are present. See your health care provider
to discuss medication options.
8. Always using latex or polyurethane condoms reduces the risk of transmitting
the virus.
9. Avoid direct skin to skin contact. Condoms should be worn when a woman has
oral sex on a man. Dental dams (a square piece of latex) or a condom cut open
to lie flat can be used when a man has oral sex on a woman.
10. Herpes is very often transmitted by people who do not know they are infected.
Since they were not diagnosed, they are unaware that they may be contagious
from time to time.
11. Once diagnosed, a person can employ simple precautions to protect partners:
avoiding contact during a pre-outbreak (prodrome) or an outbreak and practicing
safe sex when no symptoms are present.
Have educational materials on hand for your partner to read. Be prepared to
answer their questions. If you don't know the answer to a question, don't pretend.
Find out. Being wrong will destroy your credibility.
Telling your partner
There is no foolproof method of telling your partner. What you say and how you
say it will depend on your own personal style. Your attitude will influence
how this news is received. Psychologists know that people tend to behave the
way you expect them to behave, and expecting rejection increases the chances
of being rejected. Some people do better by writing down what they want to say.
Others find it better to be spontaneous. Be confident. You are doing the right
thing for both of you.
Tell your partner before you become sexually intimate. Ideally, it's best to
wait a few dates before telling. Allow the relationship to develop first. It
will be easier if both of you are comfortable and trust in each other's company
first, but if it appears the two of you could end up in bed on the first date,
don’t wait. There are good and bad times to bring up this topic. Some
of the worst moments are: a crowded bar or party scene, while traveling to a
romantic getaway, just prior to lovemaking or when you've just had sex.
The best times to tell your partner are when you are not already 'in the mood'
for sexual intimacy, when you're feeling good about yourself, and when there
is time for both of you to have a discussion with undivided, uninterrupted attention.
Ideally, the discussion can take place anywhere you feel safe, comfortable and
will not be interrupted. Some people turn off the TV, take the phone off the
hook, and broach the subject over a quiet dinner at home. Others prefer a more
public place, like a quiet restaurant, so that their partner will feel free
to go home afterwards to think things through. Accept that one or both of you
might get emotional. Try to be natural and spontaneous. If you find yourself
whispering, mumbling, or looking at the floor, stop for a moment and try to
speak calmly and clearly. Look the person in the face. Show that you value yourself
and your partner and see this as an issue that can be managed.
Conversation starters
Here are some ways of starting the discussion. They’re not scripts, but
ideas you should put into your own words:
• "When two people get along as well as we do, I think we owe it
to each other to be totally honest. I'd like to talk about our sexual histories."
• "I really enjoy being with you, and I'm glad that we're becoming
more intimate. I think it's important that we talk about sex. Can we talk now?"
• "We're both responsible adults who want to do what's best for each
other and ourselves. Let's talk about safer sex."
• "I really feel that I can trust you, and I'd like to tell you something
very personal. I found out two years ago that I have herpes. Luckily it's both
treatable and manageable. Could we talk about what this means for us?"
Many people practice by telling a friend first. It builds up their confidence
and gives them a feel for the kind of questions others might ask. Another good
idea is to role-play the situation with a friend who already knows your situation.
But ask them to play a partner who might not understand. That makes you better
prepared for responding to whatever reaction your partner might have. Avoid
loaded words like 'awful' or 'incurable'.
You might be pleasantly surprised to learn that the person you've been worried
about telling, has been worried about telling you. The chances of that happening
are quite high given the Herpes statistics.
Realistic and unrealistic expectations
Some people just need a little time to think things through. Some people can
overreact while others won't get upset at all. Given the number of people with
genital herpes, many people have heard your story before.
Some people will react negatively no matter what you say or how you say it.
Others might focus more on herpes than on the relationship. These people are
the exception, not the rule. This is not a reflection on you. If your partner
decides not to pursue a relationship with you simply because you have herpes,
it's in your best interest to know that now. The bottom line is there are plenty
of people out there who are attracted to you for exactly who you are - with
or without herpes.
The majority of people will react well. After all, you trust them enough to
be honest and share a confidence with them. You will have removed a barrier
to your relationship. Whether or not this relationship works out, you have enlightened
someone about herpes, corrected some of their myths they can correct with others.
No matter how your partner responds, give yourself credit for having the courage
to face a difficult issue and the consideration you have shown your partner.
If you want further information regarding herpes treatment you can:
• Make an appointment with a physician, nurse practitioner or nurse at
the University Health and Counseling Services
• Make an appointment with your health care provider
Acknowledgements
This information originates from material prepared by New Zealand Herpes Foundation
(NZHF) and the American Social Health Association (ASHA).
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Updated: 09/17/2008
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