Mental Health

Articles and Brochures:

• Suicide signs and crisisline
• Surviving Difficult Times
• Managing Traumatic Stress: Tips for Recovering From Disasters and Other Traumatic Events
• Acting Assertively
• December Survival Guide
• Surviving the Winter Blahs
• Five Ingredients of Intimacy
• Overcoming Hardship: How to be More Resilient
• Getting Along with Difficult People
• When It Is More Than The Blues
• Grief: A Guide for Students Experiencing Grief
• Dealing with General Anxiety
• Functioning with Panic Attacks
• Obsessive -Compulsive Disorder
• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
• When life Gets Rough, Treat Yourself with Compassion
• A Guide for First-Generation Students
• Dealing with Test Anxiety

Suicide signs and crisisline

National Suicide Prevention lifeline is 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Hopeline is 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)

A suicidal person urgently needs to see a health or mental health service provider.

Here are some warning signs you should know about:

• Talk about suicide
• Statements about hopelessness, helplessness or worthlessness.
• Preoccupation with death.
• Suddenly happier, calmer.
• Loss of interest in things one cares about.
• Unusual visiting or calling people one cares about.
• Making arrangements; setting one's affairs in order.
• Giving things away.

December Survival Guide

By Marilyn J. Kile, Wellness Coordinator

It's that time of year again; too much to do and not enough time to do it all! Final papers, final projects, final exams, cookies, cake, candy, latkes, eggnog, party punch, sitting around, family tension, overspending, unrealistic expectations, disappointment...

Here are some tips to help make December a healthy and joyful time.

STUDYING FOR FINALS

• To stay alert and release tension, take frequent study breaks. Take a brisk walk outside, fast dance to loud music, or do full body stretches.
• Avoid too much caffeine or sugar. It can give you "coffee nerves" - trembling, nervousness, throbbing headache, irritability, and disorientation that can lower your performance on the exam.
• Make sure you are eating lots of fruits, vegetables and whole grains every 3-5 hours to keep your mind and body functioning at their best.
• Try to maintain consistent times for falling asleep and waking up so you can get enough rest to do your best on your exams. To help yourself fall asleep ask a friend to massage your neck and shoulders or do it yourself. Then focus on your breathing; gradually slowing it down. Don't allow yourself to think about the exam - just pay attention to your breathing. A cup of warm milk might help, but not alcohol. That will disrupt your normal sleep cycle.
• Think positive! Repeat to yourself, "I am a capable student. I can write my ideas clearly. I can recall exam information."

HOLIDAY CHEER

1. Avoid or limit alcohol consumption so you can really enjoy your holiday events, not black them out or experience them through a fog.
2. Try to have realistic expectations of yourself, your friends and your family. Real life isn't like the movies.
3. Enjoy the special foods that are a part of your holiday tradition. Remember a little tastes just as good as a lot and you won't have that uncomfortable, overstuffed feeling. Your waistline and arteries will thank you.
4. Get out and exercise. Burn off some of the extra calories and the frustrations of too much togetherness.
5. Have fun visiting old friends, but don't expect things to be the same. Accept that all of you have changed.
6. Reflect on the religious or cultural meaning of the holiday you celebrate.
7. Laugh often, if only at the absurdity of life!

Surviving the Winter Blahs

By John F. Macek, Executive Director

This is a time of the year when most people brace themselves for a long hard winter. It needn't be that way.

Attitude makes a world of difference in how we feel. If we see ourselves as entering a relentless period of cold that continues through February, we're going to feel badly. Why miss an important fact about our planet that our earliest ancestors celebrated? The sun. They knew that December 21 is the shortest day of the year, and it only gets better after that. They celebrated this day as the day the sun begins its return.

Paradoxically, by January 21, our day length is already back to what it was on or about November 21, just as our hemisphere enters its coldest period of the year. Tonight the sun will set about ½ hour later than it did when you left campus to go home for semester break. (Equally paradoxical, our warmest month of the year, August, has about two hours less sunlight than June 21, our longest day of the year.)

Rather than curse the cold, celebrate the reemergence of the sun. Starting today, find a reference point for viewing the sun at the same time each day. With every passing day, it will be slightly higher and brighter, and our daylight about two minutes longer. While that may not seem like much, it adds up to an hour a month.

If you focus on the sun and its course in the sky, you'll find winter much easier to take. Get outside, especially during the brightest time of day 10 AM- 2 PM. Enjoy snow and ice sports. After all, it won't be long before spring and summer return.

Five Ingredients of Intimacy

HONESTY, TRUST, RESPECT, COMMUNICATION AND TIME are the five ingredients necessary to defining and building intimacy. Each of these essential pieces has its own relevance and importance but together they form a solid foundation for building a relationship.

Honesty

Whether we are talking about being honest with someone we are dating, or with ourselves, it is sometimes very difficult. We tend to always want to put ourselves in the best light.

Sometimes we aren't honest because we don't want to hurt someone else's feelings or cause conflict. Gentle honesty, as compared to brutal honesty, is an important life skill to learn. Avoiding the truth of a feeling or situation can often result in pain and bad feelings down the road. It has always been true that a good friend is the one who will tell you that your zipper is down, or you have something in your teeth. The same is true about other things that may hurt, but need to be said.

People who are deceitful, manipulative, and dishonest are often incapable of creating intimacy. You can't create an intimate relationship with someone who is only an illusion. We can only become intimate with another person's authentic self and others can only become intimate with our authentic selves.

Trust

Consistency, dependability, and stability are the building blocks of a trusting relationship. Promises broken, appointments missed, birthdays and anniversaries forgotten all tell someone about the relevance and value people place on the relationship. Trusting someone is a belief that you can count on them, that they will do what they said they would do. Trust cannot be compromised by work, alcohol, or a busy schedule.

Betrayal of one's confidences is a sure fire way to put distance in a relationship. Trust means you know the other person will not purposefully hurt you in any way. You can assume they will safeguard your welfare to the best of their ability.

When we mention the phrase "I was just making sure of you," it may take awhile to understand the depth of this statement. But if we look closer, we can uncover a deep truth. We go through our lives in a constant state of chaos and change. When we make sure of something, we ask for a commitment, we recheck our landmarks, we hold on to what is stable. Trust is the barometer by which we measure the level of confidence we have in our relationships.

Respect

Culturally, respect can be measured in many ways. Someone who is thoughtful, who has manners, who is polite is exhibiting signs of respect. We have done much work lately as a society empowering people to demand respect for themselves, to understand that their own self-esteem is built on how they are treated by others. However, so much energy has been focused "what I deserve" that we have forgotten about "what others deserve." In order to be truly intimate we must value the other person as much, not more or less, than we value ourselves.

A balance of the basics are needed. A healthy understanding of the values that make others important and understanding of what we all deserve as people are key. We should all live free of fear, free of aggression and violence, free from intimidation and free of oppression. These freedoms are by no means easy for us to achieve, but in our daily lives, the way we treat and respond to others does affect our sense of self worth.

Respect reflects the value, validation, and worth of another person. It is an essential ingredient to developing intimate relationships.

Communication

Communication is critical to the three ingredients already discussed. It is how we show our honesty, trust, and respect in a relationship. Listening to others and following through with reasonable needs and requests is a simple step in relating and communicating. The willingness, compromise, and sacrifice needed to listen however, can take years to develop.

In many books dedicated to relationships and couples, a simple technique is taught. A couple will sit face to face in two chairs. One person will make a statement. The other person will repeat that statement back with no edits, arguments, additions or deletions. This exercise focuses all the energy on listening to what is being said. This simple exercise helps break through obstacles-- like feeling threatened, defensive, aggressive, or passive--that can keep us from really hearing what our friends and partners are asking of us. The ability to ask and receive clear communicated messages can only make us feel closer and help us relate. The effort put into our communication relays a message: you are important enough to be listened to and you have a voice in this relationship.

Time

One way we communicate our value for others is by the time we spend with them in activities. Nothing is more important in the creation and survival of healthy relationships than the time needed to develop honesty, trust, respect, and good communication.

Our schedules and our lives have gotten so chaotic and "time specific" that we are actually "out of time" most of the time. Time is rarely seen as an ingredient to a healthy relationship, but without it we can not develop the other parts of our lives that make us whole, caring, and intimate people.

If you took a piece of paper and made a schedule of the amount of time you spend actively working on developing your relationships, you would be astounded to perhaps find that the most lasting part of our lives, our relationships, gets less time a month than brushing our teeth!

Spending time, making time, quality time, whatever you want to call it, the value of sharing space with people you care about can never be underestimated.

Overcoming Hardship: How to Be More Resilient

Bad things happen to good people.

How well we recover from these setbacks depends on many factors. Here are a few you can consider to enhance resilience:

Authenticity: People who are the same on the inside as they are on the outside cope with hard times better than those who put up a front. Know your true self and express real feelings to family, friends, coworkers.

Responsibility: Willingness to be accountable for what you can control - that is, owning the problem - is the first step toward taking positive action to manage it. Try to take control, even in small ways, to build coping skills.

Flexibility: Those who bounce back can accept that change is inevitable and don't fight it. They're not afraid of it, but more often see it as opportunity. Embrace change as part of the normal pattern of live and adapt to it in a way that makes things better, not more difficult.

Responsiveness: Open-minded, aware individuals who study their environment and react positively to new ideas have more resilience than those who sit back and let the world happen to them. Adopt a life-long learning attitude as a way to more easily adjust to life's curve balls.

Faith: Not necessarily religious faith, but a belief in yourself, others, and the potential for good are traits in people who recover more easily. Whatever your convictions, foster commitment to them.

Risk Tolerance: Resilient individuals aren't afraid to take steps in a new direction. Seek support from friends and family to strike out on a new path.

Purpose: A belief in something beyond yourself - religion, nature, humanity - is another common characteristic. Allow time for thoughtful reflection and discussion of ideas around life purpose.

For more ideas read "The Art of Resilience: 100 Paths to Wisdom and Strength in an Uncertain World" by Carol Orsborn

Acting Assertively

WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?
Expressing your feelings, thoughts, and needs without threatening others.

• Are you confident without being overbearing?
• Are you proud when you do something well?
• Do you say what you feel without being hostile to others?

WHAT IS NON-ASSERTIVENESS?
Putting others first at your expense.

• Are you afraid others won't like you if you disagree with them?
• Do you remain silent when something bothers you?
• Is it difficult for you to give or receive criticism?

WHAT IS AGGRESSION?
Putting yourself first at the expense of others.

• Do you demand rather than ask?
• Do you feel angry when others disagree with you?
• Do you explode when someone criticizes you?

WHAT IS PASSIVE-AGGRESSION?
Pretending to put others first with dishonest communication and not respecting yourself enough to be honest about how you feel.

• Do you feel bitterness and resentfulness towards others and yourself?
• Do you try to "get even" with others?
• When you don't want to do something do you say yes and then "forget" to do it?

DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE?

Start with new communication skills.

WHAT YOU SAY

• Ask politely and firmly for what you want.
• If a request is unreasonable, say so. Focus on the area of conflict and suggest a solution that would meet both of your needs, if possible.
• Get to the point. Don't hedge or drop hints. Learn when to stop talking.

HOW YOU SAY IT

• Look the other person in the eye.
• Don't attack the other person. Instead, describe your feelings with "I" statements. Say, "I am upset that you didn't complete this on time", not, "You never complete things on time".
• Your voice tone, inflection, and volume must reflect self confidence. A whispered monotone is not convincing, while shouting will put the other person on the defense. Don't use your voice to intimidate.

WHERE AND WHEN TO SAY IT

• It's best not to confront someone in front of other people.
• Sit or stand on the same level as the other person.
• Rehearse with a friend; write out the first few sentences and the essential points you want to make.
• Give yourself time to think through your response and consider the situation.

FOUR POINTS THAT CAN HELP YOU BECOME MORE ASSERTIVE

1. Use confident body language.
• Look the person straight in the eye; don't look down or away. This reflects the sincerity of what you are saying.
• Face the person. Sit or stand comfortably with your shoulders back.
• Make your facial expressions agree with the tone of your message. You cannot effectively express anger or displeasure while smiling or laughing.
2. Be a good listener.
• Give your full attention to the person who's speaking.
• Show your interest by responding. Don't simply nod your head on agreement.
• Summarize in your own words what the person said. It helps eliminate misunderstanding.
3. Respect others.
• Allow others to assert themselves, as well. Everybody has the right to express feelings and opinions.
• Don't threaten, punish, or manipulate others. If you treat others with respect, they'll treat you with respect. Your relationships will be stronger, healthier, and more enjoyable when they're based on mutual respect.
4. Respect yourself.
• Recognize those things you do well; don't discount them because they're easy for you.
• Take gradual steps toward overcoming your weaknesses. Reward yourself as you improve.

REMEMBER, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO-

• Act in ways that promote your dignity and self respect
• Be treated with respect
• Say no and not feel guilty
• Slow down and take your time when making decisions
• Change your mind
• Ask for what you want
• Do less than you are humanly capable of doing
• Ask for information
• Make mistakes
• Feel good about yourself no matter who you are or what your status in life
• Offer no reasons or excuses to justify your behavior
• Be illogical in making decisions
• Form and express your own opinions
• Say "I don't care", "I don't understand", "I don't know"
• Have and express feelings in ways which do not violate the dignity of other people (i.e. the right to feel tired, happy, depressed, angry, lonesome, silly, etc.)

Getting Along with Difficult People

By John F. Macek, LCSW

What makes people “difficult?” Most of us consider others difficult when they do not respond to our reasonable efforts.

There are two kinds of difficult people, those who respond negatively only to certain persons or situations (selective responder) and those who respond negatively to virtually everyone and everything (universal responder). The differences in dynamics between the two are considerable.

A selective responder is someone who has certain likes or dislikes. These people respond in terms of their likes and dislikes when dealing with people or events. In this case, it's worth exploring what triggers the negative response. Oftentimes we discover there was a problem of miscommunication around sensitive areas. Some people, for example, just don't like being told. If an idea is to be had, it better be theirs. Knowing that, we might approach that person with leading questions, enabling them to come up with the idea.

We all have areas of sensitivity around which we can be “difficult", so it's worth while to examine our own behavior as well as that of others. When we understand our sensitivities and own them as our problem, we have basis for relating more effectively with others. Remember this: your personal likes and dislikes do not oblige others to agree or conform with you. Getting along always involves give and take.

The more difficult person is what I call a universal responder, i.e., someone who carries a chip on their shoulder. Usually, this attitude is rooted in having been deeply hurt or humiliated, so the person keeps up a firm guard against that happening again. Within that kind of mind set, every person is a potential assailant. The fight-or-flight response goes into automatic, helping the person create emotional distance. The person will argue, act “touchy,” or draw into a shell. Sometimes people like this can override their defenses long enough for friendship to occur. Sometimes they need the help of a psychotherapist.

Getting along with difficult people requires a strong sense of self, one in which we can comfortable say: “I'm OK as I am. My worth stands on its own. It does not depend upon validation from others.” When we approach others from this mind set, we become more able to look to the other person's welfare instead of just our own.

listening is key. listen. listen some more. Seek to understand. Then try to respond in terms that work for both you and the other person. If you argue with, accuse, or belittle the other person in any way, you're going the wrong direction. Ask yourself this question: “What is this person telling me about how they want to be treated?” If you can ask yourself that question, hear what the other is saying, then respond, you're on your way to creating a friendship.

When It Is More Than The Blues

by Marilyn J. Kile, LCSW - Wellness Coordinator

Most college students say they feel “down “ or “blue “ every once in awhile, but people suffering from clinical depression have a body and mind illness that affects the way they eat, sleep and feel about themselves and the world. Most people grieve over experiences of loss and disappointment and gradually the grief becomes less. Those with clinical depression feel badly for weeks, months and sometimes years. They may not even know why they feel so sad and tired. They can not simply “get over it”.

One out of every five adults may experience a depression at some point in their lives. Twice as many women as men suffer from depression, however men are more likely to die from suicide. The highest rates of depression are in 24-44 years olds. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among people 15-25 years old. One of the best strategies for the prevention of suicide is the early recognition and treatment of depression.

The most common symptoms of depression are:

• loss of interest or pleasure in ordinary activities
• changes in appetite
• sleep difficulties
• restlessness or sluggishness
• decreased energy and extreme fatigue
• difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• feelings of guilt, hopelessness or worthlessness
• persistent sad or empty mood
• thoughts of death or suicide

The good news is that depression is highly treatable. Between 80 and 90% of all depressed people respond to treatment. Counseling can help people identify and cope with the factors that contribute to their depression in an atmosphere of acceptance and support. There are many helpful techniques including challenging negative though patterns, developing a positive self image, changing behaviors or life situations that are contributing to the problem, and developing an optimistic and accepting attitude. Treatment may also include medication, exercise, nutritional changes and changes in the use of alcohol, other drugs or even certain prescription medications.

Grief: A Guide for Students Experiencing Grief

By John Macek, LCSW

All of us at some point in our lives will experience the death of a close friend, family member, or someone who is important to us. For young people, it's always a big shock. Regardless our age, death always comes unexpectedly, and it hits hard. It's something we prefer not think about. Even when we know death is approaching for a person we love, e.g. an aging/sickly grandparent, we're still not “ready.” We can find ourselves experiencing a range and intensity of emotions we never thought possible. That it is why it is important that we understand grief. The better we understand it, the better we can overcome it.

What is grief?

Grief is a NORMAL, NATURAL reaction to losing anything we care deeply about. The more our loss was meaningful, fulfilling, or a happy part of our life, the more intense our pain. Grief is the natural process through which our minds and emotions come to grips with loss.

How long does it last?

The most-intense grief tends to occur during the first three to six months following a loss, but there are no fixed patterns or time tables. We each experience grief differently. Over time our sense of loss reduces as we replace our losses with other meaningful relationships. Most people find it takes a year or so to “get back to normal.”

How can I make it go away?

You can't. Human memory is not like the magnetic memory we find on computer hard drives. It's biological. What's unique and wonderful about our brains is our ability to assemble and compare thoughts or memories, to imagine, and to invent. We are constantly processing and reprocessing information that allows our thoughts and feelings to gain perspective from new experiences. Yet this same ability to associate thoughts, imagine, and invent allows a song, a picture, a view, a place, or memorable phrase to connect with a hurtful memory and bring tears to our eyes. Not to worry when that happens. It's normal and part of how our minds and emotions operate.

Is there anything “good” that can come from all this?

At this moment, you may think “absolutely not!” because that's exactly how you feel. But, strange as it may seem, feeling loss is the first step to recovery. It is only when we acknowledge our losses that we can grow and learn from them. Though we may feel completely otherwise, NOT ALL is lost. This is a good time to remember the good times, how your loved one enriched your life, and gave you positive lessons for living. Look for ways you can honor your loved one by sharing those lessons with others. You can turn any loss into a valuable lesson for becoming a better, happier person.

How do I get over this terrible pain?

If it is a loved one you grieve, remember this: your loved one will always live in your memory. You received something from him/her that is precious and important. As much as any of us would wish we can continue that loving relationship in person, that's no longer possible. Death, natural disasters have been part of nature since nature began. All major religions address or explain such losses in ways that give them meaning or make them easier to bear. If you were brought up in a faith tradition, this is a good time to revisit it. Regardless of your faith tradition, two facts remain: 1) you will always cherish in your memory what you had lost and 2) what you grieve will always remain part of you and can give you valuable lessons for moving forward. You can honor, cherish, and maintain connection with a loved one by living the lessons s/he has taught you. Perhaps you had plans and dreams of spending the rest of your life with your loved one. Even then, know that the best thing you can do for your loved one now is to share their precious gifts with others. Consider what advice your loved one might give you if s/he could whisper in your ear. Would s/he tell you to feel sad forever, miss class, not study, avoid relationships, or jeopardize your future? In considering this question, most students conclude that their loved one would want them to live on. Try sharing with other loved ones the lessons and affections you experienced with the loved one you lost. People who genuinely love us want, above all else, that we be happy and whole. Allowing yourself to feel joy with others is both respectful of and honors your loved one.

Good grief/bad grief

Mental health professionals have a view of grief that appears strange to many. We know that people who allow themselves to feel pain have the best prospects for recovery. It's those who steel themselves or believe they must be “brave” and “strong” who concern us. Why? “You can't fool Mother Nature.” From the way Mother Nature made us, we can only overcome our losses if we allow ourselves to come to grip with them. Feeling grief is how we come to grip with a loss. It allows us to move on with our lives. If we avoid grief, we may create emotional blocks to future loving relationships.

I have never experienced such terrible emotions. What's wrong with me!

Sometimes the emotions we experience are so negative or contradict our beliefs so deeply that we feel guilty for experiencing them. Take for example a mental-health trained minister who lost a sister to brain cancer. He shared with colleagues his surprise and embarrassment: “I felt absolute rage towards God for letting this happen. I couldn't believe myself!” Intense feeling? Yes. Surprising feeling? Yes. Normal feeling? YES. Like this minister, you might feel embarrassed or alarmed at feelings you never thought possible. You may feel as though an unknown and “evil” side of you has come out. Don't worry. Having emotions that defy our sense of decency is “normal” because, with grief, all emotions are fair game. Don't try to censor them. Roll with the punches. Allow yourself to be surprised at these “alien” emotions, but don't worry or blame yourself for experiencing them. Your psyche has just undergone a huge blow and is reacting from instincts we modern humans inherited from our earliest ancestors. Our minds and bodies are trying desperately to get back to normal. Eventually you will, but for now, you need to allow nature to take its course.

What do I do about my friends? I don't want to be a party pooper. Some run away when I talk about my loss, or they may refuse to talk about it.

Friends are friends because they accept us as we are. Think about it: if your best friend had a loss, what would you want for him or her? Most of us would say we want to relieve their pain. Unfortunately, some well-meaning friends and family hope to spare us pain by avoiding the subject. That's not what you need right now. Feel free to cry together with friends and family. You'll be helping both yourself and them deal with the loss. People in grief need to talk about their loss. They need to cry at some moments and laugh over fond memories at others. Neither you, nor your friends, should be surprised by such swings of mood. It's going to happen because it's nature's way. Do let your friends and family know how you feel, but don't feel rejected if they still avoid the subject. That means, at least for now, that they aren't prepared to deal with such intense emotions. Later, they may find themselves more comfortable visiting with you about your loss.

Remember: you are experiencing a very normal and natural process that leads to recovery. Go with the flow. Feel assured. Take good care of yourself.

When life Gets Rough, Treat Yourself with Compassion

Facing a very difficult situation or time in your life? Treat yourself with compassion.

New research shows that when you treat yourself kindly in the face of failure, rejection, defeat, or other negative event, you may be able to cope and feel better.

Although Western society has emphasized the importance of high self-esteem, having self-compassion may be more important in dealing with negative life events according to researcher and Wake Forest University psychologist Mark Leary, PhD.

“Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness you would show a friend whether you feel good about yourself or not,” said Leary. “Self-esteem is simply feeling good about yourself.”

In his research, Leary found that those with higher self-compassion were more likely to think “Everybody goofs up now and then” and less likely to think “I am such a loser” or “I wish I could die” in response to a distressing situation.

Source: News release Aug. 22, 2005, Wake Forest University

Making the Leap, A Guide for First-Generation Students

By John Macek, LCSW

What's a first-generation student?

First generation students are the first, or one of very few, in their family to complete a college degree.

Why is that important?

Students who are first in their family to attend college do not have someone ahead of them whose path they can follow or family members with whom they can discuss their college experience. That puts them in a unique “trail blazer” position.

I'm one of those trail blazers. What do I need to know?

First , you need to know you have a very good reason to feel proud of yourself for taking this important step. Your decision shows an inner strength that will serve you well in life.

What can I expect as the first in my family to attend college?

• Parents who've been to college usually have lots of advice for their student, giving them a good idea of what to expect. You are starting this journey without that advantage.
• Unless you have close friends who are college graduates, and working in your profession of interest, you face both the challenge of succeeding in college and the challenge of learning what it takes to become a professional in your field.
• Expect to feel out of your element. After all, you just moved from familiar surrounds (friends, family, the familiar sights, sounds, and smells of your old neighborhood). Now you are encountering people from around the world. Many will think differently from you. They may look different, or talk with an accent. That's the mind-expanding part of being on a college campus. Nowhere else can you live and explore life with hundreds of people your own age. It's a chance to grow, make new friends, learn, gain confidence, and enjoy.
• Expect to feel lonely at first. Some of your high school classmates went to college. Others did not. You may find that, especially with those who stayed behind, you have less in common. You have parted ways with things that were familiar and comfortable for you. Don't be surprised if you feel very home-sick, even to the point of tears, for the first few weeks. That's normal. As you make new friends, you'll get over it and start enjoying your college experience.
• Expect to have doubts about your decision to come to college and your ability to do college work. It's going to feel like tough sledding at first. Why? Few students come to college with good study habits. It's something they must learn. At college, you are on your own. You need to manage your time, be well organized, and plan ahead for papers and exams. College helps you develop skills that will make you successful in life. Learning those skills is just one of many bonuses you will gain from your college experience.
• Expect to feel awkward and out of place. That's normal. Everyone experiences growing pains as they learn the ropes. You may have a preconceived notion of who a college student is, and it's not you. Really look around. College students today come from many different backgrounds and have different styles. While at first you may feel you are just pretending to be a college student, soon you will realize you are what a college student looks like, thinks like and acts like.
• First-generation students often feel more than the usual indebtedness toward their parents, family, and high school teachers. You know the sacrifice Mom and Dad, and others, made to get you to this point. Of course you want to make them proud and show them that their confidence in you was well placed. That desire can lead you to worry more than you should about the possibility of disappointing these important people in your life. Worrying about letting others down will get you nowhere. It only wastes precious time and energy. The best way of doing your family proud is to plunge into your college work and to enjoy it.
• Always strive to do your best. When we give something our best effort, and know we have, that's all we, or anyone else, can expect of us. We may not achieve as much as we would have liked. Who does? Just don't give up. Giving up is the only sure way of failing.
• Surround yourself with friends who take their studies seriously. Don't be taken in by those who ask you to go out to drink and play. They'll just drag you down. Instead, search out friends who are serious students. Some of your best college memories will come from discussions and debates you had with these friends. You'll remember discovering how much you found in common with people you thought were very different from you. That's what college is all about. It's a place of learning!
• We can only succeed at things we consider possible for us. If you enter college convinced that you won't make it, you won't. An attitude like that guarantees failure. Keep in mind that you got into college because people who've been through college and know what it takes, see you as capable of doing it too. College faculty and staff are not fools. They are experts in their field, have worked with hundreds of students facing the same challenges as you. They gave you their vote of confidence. If they are OK with you, then you should be OK with yourself. Sure, college is hard work. So is anything else worth doing. By all means, take advantage of the wisdom and assistance your professors and other campus professionals have to offer. They liKE helping students and will DEliGHT in your success. That's why they chose college work. Find a professor or staff person with whom you feel particularly comfortable and develop a relationship with them. You'll be glad you did.
• Even though you may feel very alone at times, you aren't. There are plenty of people around who want the best for you. When you graduate, the company that hires you knows what to expect. They hired other new graduates over the years and have programs for training and supporting you. Your success is their success. Take full advantage of the many people who are there to help you. All you need to do is ask.

Everyone fears failure. For that reason, many people don't even try. They use very silly logic that goes something like this: “If I don't try, I won't fail because I got what I expected. If I try, and don't succeed, then I've failed.” WRONG! Failure comes from not trying, NOT from trying. Expect to make mistakes. So long as you use your mistakes as an opportunity to learn and do better, you're on the road to success. We are failures ONLY when we choose not to try.

Welcome to college. Work hard. Have fun. Enjoy meeting interesting people. You will look back at your college years as some of the best of your life. Some people you meet will become lifelong friends. When you graduate, you will have a better shot at landing a job you like, one that pays you well and offers good benefits. Consider college an investment in your future. It is definitely that: a launch pad from which you can take better control of your future.

“Good luck” comes from working hard and using our smarts and talents to make things turn out well for ourselves. “Bad luck” comes from not trying.