Sexual Health

Articles and Brochures:

• Take Our Quiz - What Do You Know?
• Condoms
• How comfortable are you talking about sex?
• Thinking About Sex?
• Herpes: How to Tell Your Partner
• HPV Vaccine Questions and Answers

Videos:

• Safe in the City series
• MTV: It's Your Sex Life

 

More articles are available in the Healthy U newsletter and Student Health 101 magazine.

STD/HIV testing is available for free or low cost for all UWW students at UHCS.

How Comfortable Are You Talking About Sex?

By Marilyn Kile, LCSW

Give yourself this little quiz to see if you are ready to be sexually active.

1. Can you say penis, vagina, clitoris etc. out loud without laughing or do you have to use cute little pet names like you did when you were 10?
2. Can you look a potential sex partner in the eye and tell him/her that you do or do not want to engage in a specific kind of sexual behavior?
3. Can you describe the sexual behaviors you do want to engage in?
4. If your partner is being vague or silent, can you ask him/her "Are you sure you want to do this?" and wait for a YES before you proceed.
5. If your partner is trying to pressure you into behavior you don't want to do, can you say NO and refuse to continue arguing about it?
6. Are you willing to honestly disclose your entire sexual history?
7. Are you willing to ask or even demand disclosure of your potential partner's sexual history?
8. Can you openly discuss birth control, who will obtain it and pay for it?
9. Can you talk about the best way to avoid spreading STD's with the particular sex act you want to do?
10. Are you and your potential partner sober and straight enough to know what you are talking about?

If you didn't answer yes to all 10, you may not be ready.

Your comfort talking about sex with this particular person, at this particular time, can give you an idea how right it would be for you. It tells you whether or not you feel close enough to this person to do something so intimate and potentially risky. If you would be embarrassed talking about it, don't you think you might feel embarrassed that you did it? If you are afraid of how your partner will react, then how can you know you are entering into this freely? If you don't respect yourself and your partner enough to use protection, do you really want to share the most intimate parts of your body with him/her? If you can't be honest, what are the chances this person is being honest with you? If you can't trust this person to not repeat what you talk about, do you really want to have sex with him or her?

Ask yourself how you will feel about yourself afterwards and you will have a good idea whether or not your behavior is going against your moral values. Honesty, trust, respect, communication and attention are the building blocks of an intimate relationship. For a sexual relationship to be physically and emotionally safe you need these same ingredients.

What do you know about STIs?

Click on the question to get the answer

1. Does having more than one sexual partner in a lifetime increase the risk of contracting a Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI)?
2. What three STI's can cause infertility?
3. What is the only 100% sure way to prevent STI's?
4. Which three STI's are incurable? Can you name four STI's that are curable?
5. Is it OK to use oil based lotions and creams with condoms?
6. Which three STI's have the highest risk of being transmitted by oral sex?
7. Which STI causes no initial symptons in 75% of women and 50% of men?
8. What can be used to decrease the risk of getting a STI during oral sex?
9. Which STI infects 30-50% of all sexually active young adults and is the most frequently diagnosed or treated STI on this campus?
10. What is the most prevalent STI?
11. Where can you get anonymous HIV testing?
12. What is the second best way to avoid STI's?
13. What is the number one reason condoms may fail?
14. What percentage of college students mostly or always use condoms when having vaginal sex?
15. Almost half of STI's occur in what age group?
    

 

 

1. Yes. Having 1-4 partners increases the risk of contracting a STI 2.5 times, 5-10 partners increases the risk 7 times, 11-20 partners increases the risk 10 times.

2.Approximately 60,000 cases of infertility occur each year from chlamydia. Gonorrhea and syphilis also can cause infertility.

3.Abstinence from vaginal, oral or anal intercourse.

4. Herpes, HIV and Hepatitis B stay in your body for the rest of your life. There is treatment for their symptoms but no cure. Genital lice (crabs), chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis when diagnosed early are completely curable. That is why diagnosis is so important. Come to UHCS for any genital pain, itching, sores or discharge or if your sexual partner is diagnosed with a STI. STI testing is available for no charge.

5. NO. The oil or petroleum will erode the latex and cause the condom to break.

6. Herpes, Gonorrhea and Syphillis can be transmitted by oral sex.

7. Chlamydia.often has no initial symptoms. By the time symptoms occur, permanent damage may have been done to the reproductive organs. Chlamydia testing is available to currently enrolled UWW students at UHCS for no charge.

8. A condom for oral sex on a man and a dental dam or latex square for oral sex on a woman. A condom can be cut open length wise to make a latex square.

9. Human Papilomus Virus (HPV) which can cause genital warts or lead to cervical cancer.

10. The most prevalent STI is Herpes.About 1 in 6 Americans (16.2 percent) between the ages of 14 and 49 is infected with herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2), according to a national health survey released in 2010 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. HSV-2 prevalence was nearly twice as high among women (20.9 percent) than men (11.5 percent). As with other STI's, biological factors may make women more susceptible to HSV-2 infection.

11. The University Health and Counseling Services offers anonymous HIV testing.. Call 472-1300 for more information.

12. Only having sex in a monogamous relationship and using latex condoms when having oral, vaginal or anal intercourse is the second best way to avoid STI's..

13. The number one reason that condoms fail is because people don't use them correctly. Common errors people make when using condoms are having genital contact before the condom is put on; tearing with teeth or fingernails when opening the package; using condoms past their expiration date or those that have been stored in a hot place; not pinching the tip to leave room for the ejaculate; not using enough water based lubrication to reduce friction; using oil based lubrication; not pulling out before the penis becomes soft and spills the contents of the condom.

14. 54%.of college students mostly or always use condoms when having vaginal sex.

15. Almost half of STI's occur in 15-24 year olds.

 

Thinking About Sex?

By Marilyn Kile, LCSW

Each and every time you get in a potentially sexual situation you are going to have to decide what is best for you. Since you are going to be making this choice over and over again for the rest of your life, you might as well get good at it.

There are a series of questions you need to ask yourself to figure out what's right for you.

• Have you just met this person; are you dating; are you in a committed relationship?
• How do you feel about sex between people in this situation?
• Does this fit with my moral or religious values?
• How do I feel about this potential partner?
• How comfortable am I talking about what I do and do not want to do sexually with this person at this time?
• Do I feel truly free to say no or yes to sex without emotional backlash or negative consequences?
• What is it that I really want? Affection, attachment, sexual release, emotional intimacy, a commitment, an expression of love, etc.
• If I'm sexual with this person at this time, will I get what I really want?
• How will I feel about myself after sexual activity?
• How will I feel about this potential partner after having sex with him/her?
• How will it affect my relationship with this person if we are sexual?
• Does this person really want to be sexual with me or do they feel pressured?
• If sex with this person at this time will cause you any embarrassment, shame, guilt or regrets, having sex at this time may not be a good choice for you. In your lifetime there will be plenty of other opportunities for sexual intimacy. This is not your last chance!

If you decide you are ready to be sexual based on the above questions, then you need to decide if you are ready to risk getting a sexually transmitted infection (STI) or unplanned pregnancy.

What behaviors are you going to engage in? If it involves oral, anal or vaginal intercourse or genital skin to skin contact you could catch an STI. You usually can't tell if your partner is infected by looking and many people who are infected don't know it. How sure are you that this person hasn't had sex with someone else since the last time you were together? Unless you are sure the other person is uninfected through STI testing, use a latex or polypropylene barrier. i.e. condom or latex square (for oral - genital or anal contact).

If you decide to have vaginal intercourse you could create a pregnancy any time during a woman's cycle. If you aren't ready for a baby, choose a reliable form of contraception and use it correctly every time. There are so many methods available, there is one that's right for you.

Low cost STI testing and treatment, anonymous HIV testing, contraception, emergency contraception, condoms and latex squares are available at the University Health and Counseling Services in the Ambrose Health Center. If you would like to talk to a counselor about your sexual choices, services are available at no cost to students.

Herpes: How to Tell Your Partner

This information will explore ways of feeling more confident in discussing genital herpes with a partner.

Why it is difficult to discuss

It is natural to worry that a person may base their judgment of you on the fact you have genital herpes. Facial herpes (including cold sores on the lips) and genital herpes are medically similar conditions at different sites. The significant difference arises from the stigma that tends to accompany an infection that is sexually transmitted. People fear the possibility of that rejection but in reality it rarely happens. Personal rejection, with or without herpes, is something we all face. While some people may experience a negative response, most have found their partners both supportive and understanding.

People can, and do, successfully tell potential partners about their herpes. While there is no fail-safe way of doing this, here are some approaches that can make it easier.

Some people choose not to disclose. They abstain during outbreaks, practice safe sex at other times, and hope for the best. This strategy has more disadvantages than advantages. First, you spend a lot of time and energy worrying that your partner might get herpes, but it's much harder to tell someone who has just found out they're infected. Second, the longer you put it off, the more awkward it is to tell your partner, or your partner might find out from someone else. Third, when you have outbreak you have to make excuses for not having sex. Excuses create distance between partners. Your excuses might be more damaging to the relationship than an honest discussion of genital herpes. Finally, the more you grow to care about someone, the more you may want to tell them. It may be more difficult the longer you wait and potentially cause a break in the relationship. For most people, the anxiety of not telling is worse than the telling itself.

By telling your partner and allowing them to enter into the relationship with full knowledge of your infection, your relationship is built on honesty and you can problem solve together. You reduce the likelihood of their becoming infected. Why? Because, when you have an outbreak, you can discuss it with a partner instead of making excuses (that might or might not be believed). If the two of you can discuss the situation openly and honestly, you can work around it. Imaginative lovers find ways to weather these temporary restrictions.

The importance of self-esteem

First, remind yourself that herpes doesn't change all the good things about you. To some extent, getting infected or not is a matter of chance. The virus didn't choose you and you didn't choose it. It has nothing to do with intelligence, social habits, or bank account. You are a loving, sexual, whole individual. No one else on the planet has the things that you have to offer. Aside from all this, be aware that genital herpes is extremely common. About one in five people are infected with this virus, whether they know it or not.

Accepting the fact that you have herpes will make it easier to let others into your life. Sit down with a pen and paper and say to yourself, "I have herpes." Then write down any thought that pops into your head. No matter what it is, write it down. Do this again and again until you have identified the stereotypical/negative feelings that you have about herpes. Now look at your list. How many of these negative feelings or beliefs are truly valid? In many cases, these negative associations are baseless, yet they can strongly influence our emotions.

Next, take your list and replace each negative belief with a positive one. For example, if one of your beliefs is: "No one would want to go out with me because I have herpes," replace it with: "I am a wonderful, intelligent person. Anyone would be lucky to be my companion or lover."

Each of us has the power to change what we believe about ourselves. Whenever you find yourself thinking one of the negative beliefs, interrupt that thought and firmly repeat to yourself your positive replacement. It's almost sure to seem artificial at first, but remember, the more often you repeat your positive statements, the more they become part of your thinking.

Preparing to tell your partner: Get the facts

Most people know little or nothing about herpes. Here are some facts about herpes you should consider sharing with your partner.

1. Herpes simplex virus (HSV) most often shows up as small blisters or sores on our face or mouth (cold sores or fever blisters- Herpes Simplex type 1) or on our genitals (Herpes Simplex type 2).
2. Genital herpes is one of the most common sexually transmitted diseases in the US with as many as one million people becoming infected each year.
3. More than 1 in 5 Americans over the age of 12 (~45 million) are infected with genital herpes.
4. HSV can be passed on when making direct skin-to-skin contact with the live virus.
5. Virus is present and active from the first sign (tingling or itching in the area where the outbreak usually occurs) until the sores have completely healed and new skin grows in.
6. There are times when an active herpes virus is on our skin, even though there are no obvious signs or symptoms, and, during these times, can be passed to another person.
7. There are medications that can decrease the risk of infecting another person when no obvious signs or symptoms are present. See your health care provider to discuss medication options.
8. Always using latex or polyurethane condoms reduces the risk of transmitting the virus.
9. Avoid direct skin to skin contact. Condoms should be worn when a woman has oral sex on a man. Dental dams (a square piece of latex) or a condom cut open to lie flat can be used when a man has oral sex on a woman.
10. Herpes is very often transmitted by people who do not know they are infected. Since they were not diagnosed, they are unaware that they may be contagious from time to time.
11. Once diagnosed, a person can employ simple precautions to protect partners: avoiding contact during a pre-outbreak (prodrome) or an outbreak and practicing safe sex when no symptoms are present.

Have educational materials on hand for your partner to read. Be prepared to answer their questions. If you don't know the answer to a question, don't pretend. Find out. Being wrong will destroy your credibility.

Telling your partner

There is no foolproof method of telling your partner. What you say and how you say it will depend on your own personal style. Your attitude will influence how this news is received. Psychologists know that people tend to behave the way you expect them to behave, and expecting rejection increases the chances of being rejected. Some people do better by writing down what they want to say. Others find it better to be spontaneous. Be confident. You are doing the right thing for both of you.

Tell your partner before you become sexually intimate. Ideally, it's best to wait a few dates before telling. Allow the relationship to develop first. It will be easier if both of you are comfortable and trust in each other's company first, but if it appears the two of you could end up in bed on the first date, don't wait. There are good and bad times to bring up this topic. Some of the worst moments are: a crowded bar or party scene, while traveling to a romantic getaway, just prior to lovemaking or when you've just had sex.

The best times to tell your partner are when you are not already 'in the mood' for sexual intimacy, when you're feeling good about yourself, and when there is time for both of you to have a discussion with undivided, uninterrupted attention.

Ideally, the discussion can take place anywhere you feel safe, comfortable and will not be interrupted. Some people turn off the TV, take the phone off the hook, and broach the subject over a quiet dinner at home. Others prefer a more public place, like a quiet restaurant, so that their partner will feel free to go home afterwards to think things through. Accept that one or both of you might get emotional. Try to be natural and spontaneous. If you find yourself whispering, mumbling, or looking at the floor, stop for a moment and try to speak calmly and clearly. Look the person in the face. Show that you value yourself and your partner and see this as an issue that can be managed.

Conversation starters

Here are some ways of starting the discussion. They're not scripts, but ideas you should put into your own words:

• "When two people get along as well as we do, I think we owe it to each other to be totally honest. I'd like to talk about our sexual histories."
• "I really enjoy being with you, and I'm glad that we're becoming more intimate. I think it's important that we talk about sex. Can we talk now?"
• "We're both responsible adults who want to do what's best for each other and ourselves. Let's talk about safer sex."
• "I really feel that I can trust you, and I'd like to tell you something very personal. I found out two years ago that I have herpes. Luckily it's both treatable and manageable. Could we talk about what this means for us?"

Many people practice by telling a friend first. It builds up their confidence and gives them a feel for the kind of questions others might ask. Another good idea is to role-play the situation with a friend who already knows your situation. But ask them to play a partner who might not understand. That makes you better prepared for responding to whatever reaction your partner might have. Avoid loaded words like 'awful' or 'incurable'.

You might be pleasantly surprised to learn that the person you've been worried about telling, has been worried about telling you. The chances of that happening are quite high given the Herpes statistics.

Realistic and unrealistic expectations

Some people just need a little time to think things through. Some people can overreact while others won't get upset at all. Given the number of people with genital herpes, many people have heard your story before.

Some people will react negatively no matter what you say or how you say it. Others might focus more on herpes than on the relationship. These people are the exception, not the rule. This is not a reflection on you. If your partner decides not to pursue a relationship with you simply because you have herpes, it's in your best interest to know that now. The bottom line is there are plenty of people out there who are attracted to you for exactly who you are - with or without herpes.

The majority of people will react well. After all, you trust them enough to be honest and share a confidence with them. You will have removed a barrier to your relationship. Whether or not this relationship works out, you have enlightened someone about herpes, corrected some of their myths they can correct with others. No matter how your partner responds, give yourself credit for having the courage to face a difficult issue and the consideration you have shown your partner.

If you want further information regarding herpes treatment you can:

• Make an appointment with a physician, nurse practitioner or nurse at the University Health and Counseling Services
• Make an appointment with your health care provider

Acknowledgements
This information originates from material prepared by New Zealand Herpes Foundation (NZHF) and the American Social Health Association (ASHA).

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