The UHCS Wellness department offers free programs and workshops on sexual consent. If you would like our team to visit your class, student organization, residence hall, etc., please fill out this request form. In addition, if you have experiencedsexual violence or harrasment and would like to speak with a counselor, you can schedule an appointment by calling us at 262-472-1305.
What is Consent? Think of the FRIES acronym:
- F: Freely given. Consenting is a choice you make without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
- R: Reversible. Anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, anytime. Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you’re both naked in bed.
- I: Informed. You can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t full consent.
- E: Enthusiastic. When it comes to sex, you should only do stuff you WANT to do, not things that you feel you’re expected to do.
- S: Specific. Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to other things (like having sex).
Consent is required. It must be given, regardless of relationship status. Mutual consent must always be granted, regardless of whether participants are strangers or have been married for many years. Someone cannot just assume they can have sexual intercourse with their partner — even though they are in a relationship. Consent must still be given.
What consent can sound and look like:
- “Can I kiss you?”
- “Do you want to have sex?”
- “I really want to kiss you right now. Is that okay?”
- “Would it be okay if I…?”
- “What are you comfortable with doing?”
- “Can I take your shirt off?”
- “Are you comfortable with this?”
- “What do you want to do?”
What consent does not sound and look like:
- “I want to, but…”
- “I guess we could”
- “If you want to”
- “I don’t know”
- “Maybe we should slow down”
- Pulling or pushing away
- No physical movement or response
- Shaking head “no”
- Looking sad, scared and/or in pain
- Looking as if they’ve “given in” or are checked out
- Avoiding eye contact
- Avoiding touch
- Behaviors that stop sexual activities from escalating such as checking their phone or getting up